Body Comparison: 5 Tips On How To Stop Comparing Your Body To Others

Shoes Are Unique Just like you Not Body Comparison

Comparing your body to others

 

Do you find yourself comparing your body to others or to a version of your younger self? Learning how to stop comparing your body to others is part of recovery.

 

We compare in areas of life where we are the most insecure.

 

To be clear, YOU are not comparing your body to others. The eating disorder is. If you want to learn how to stop comparing your body to others, the first step is to be aware of when it’s happening.

 

The eating disorder looks for examples of ways you are not good enough and body comparison fits the ticket.

 

YOUR job is to minimize those body comparison opportunities and know how to respond when you do find yourself comparing your body to others.

 

Comparison isn’t always bad.

 

Social comparison theory suggests we use comparison to determine our opinions and abilities. The trouble is when body comparison is used to determine self-worth.

 

Below are five tips on how to stop comparing your body to others.

 

#1 Filter your feed

 

You’ve likely heard this before, but have you done it?

 

If you find yourself body comparing often, there’s an easy fix. Filter out those who make you feel more insecure.

 

The best way to do this is to NOTICE how you feel after viewing someone’s picture or caption on social media.

 

Do you feel inspired? Great, continue to follow her or him.

 

Do you feel lousy? Okay, listen to that feeling and either MUTE them or UNFOLLOW them.

 

Also, when you unfollow someone, remember that it is about YOU. It’s not about them.

 

Selfie Sally could be the most lovely person on the planet and maybe one day you’ll be inspired by her content.

 

But for right now, you want to stop comparing your body to others. So, Selfie Sally is not serving you. Don’t over think it. Click unfollow or mute.

 

#2 Detach yourself from the body

 

When we compare our bodies to others, we give the body itself power. Not the person.

 

We assume that a certain sized body will lead to happiness, peace or sailing around Italy. When the reality that we have no idea what’s going on in someone’s life. You can not determine how happy someone is by their body.

 

boat sailing around italy no body comparison

 

When you value your body, you allow it to dictate how you feel. Poor body image today? Have a bad day. Good body image? Be in a good mood throughout the day.

 

Listen to me here. Do not give your body this much power. Your body – something that is guaranteed to change – does not get to determine who you are and how you live your life. So go book that trip to Italy!

 

The body is temporary. It houses our soul, our spirit, our being.

 

Just like a car takes us from one place to another, the body is transportation for our essence. Detach yourself from the body in the same way you would a belonging.

 

Like a car, your body will change with the seasons. It will grow, and at times be softer, it will get sick sometimes and require a tuneup.

 

You do not revolve your life around your car. Do not revolve your life around your body.

 

#3 Appreciate your body for what it can do

 

Notice I said appreciate and not LOVE your body.

 

Self love often gets confused for body love. Instagram models talk about how they love their cellulite or stretch marks. Good for you to embrace it!

 

However, loving your body to the extreme or not at all can be dangerous. You are attaching your identity to your body in either scenario.

 

Loving WHO you are is what you strive for. Because, again, the body carries YOU. Love the people inside the car, not the car.

 

Instead of focusing on loving all areas of your body, focus on accepting your body for what it can do.

 

Make a list of everything your body allows you to do. What a gift!

 

List of How to stop comparing your body to others

 

Once you see your body as temporary and as a blessing, you find ways to appreciate it.

 

My body allowed me to go on a bike ride with my daughter over the weekend. What can your body do that you love?

 

#4 Use comparison for good

 

Comparison can inspire, motivate and drive us to action. It can help us course correct.

 

I compare to other entrepreneurs who are further along than me. Instead of letting the comparison break me down, I use it to see what’s possible. I’m inspired and know that I can go further.

 

What if you allowed those who have found freedom to inspire you? To motivate you?

 

Body comparison is not ever going to serve you. There are so many different body types and it makes no sense to compare when it’s just not possible.

 

I unfollowed Kim Kardashian – not because I don’t like her or think she’s a bad person. But because I found myself wishing I had a bigger behind!

 

Also, the promotion of tummy teas was making feel angry. That mental energy was not worth my time. I want to spend my energy in other areas.

 

Every second you spend thinking about someone else and her body is time away from learning to love and accept yourself. It’s time away from living your life. Time away from achieving your dreams. It’s time away from recovery.

 

#5 Focus on recovery

 

As you recover, become more secure with yourself, and put less value on body size you will inevitably stop comparing your body to others.

 

Body comparison, whether it’s with yourself or with others, really does go away as you heal your relationship with food and yourself.

 

Don’t get me wrong, I still compare in other areas that aren’t entirely helpful. For example, I see other moms killing it and wonder if I’ll ever be as good as them. I see other entrepreneurs further along and question if I’ll get there.

 

In those moments, I become hyper aware and ask myself: do I need to unfollow this person or can I allow them to inspire me?

Don’t DO these SIX things if your daughter has an eating disorder

help for daughter with an eating disorder

“My daughter has an eating disorder. What can I do to help?”

 

Parents email me nearly every week. Moms or dads share that their daughter has an eating disorder: anorexia, bulimia or other challenges with food and weight. They all want to know the same thing: what can I do?

 

Before I share what you, as a loved one, can do, I want to acknowledge that both sons and daughters struggle with eating disorders. If you are looking for signs or symptoms, here is a great article on what to look for. If you need treatment for your son, I’m happy to refer you to specialists who treat males with eating disorders.

 

Parents and loved ones can play a meaningful role in their daughter’s recovery! Below I’m sharing the six top things to do and what not to do!

 

DO NOT

 

1. Comment on your daughter’s appearance or weight. This includes compliments! Even “you look healthy” can be perceived as “I’ve gained too much weight” in the eating disorder mind. Also avoid talking about other people’s bodies or weight (including your own).

 

2. Try to convince your daughter that she won’t gain weight. You want her to know that you love her regardless of her weight. When she communicates she’s scared to gain weight, simply respond: “do you want to talk about it”? Let her talk. Validate feelings. Also, read what you can DO on #5 below.

 

3. Discuss calories, diets, exercise or her eating habits. Try to discuss things other than food. Try to discuss feelings. Do not compare dieting or someone’s weight loss to your daughter’s eating disorder. Eating disorder’s are mental illnesses. They have nothing to do with willpower or discipline.

diet plan exercise and food

4. Question her about whether she ate, what she ate or if she engaged in behaviors. Instead ask how her day was or about something specific she did unrelated to food.

 

5. Accuse her of lying about everything because she lies about the eating disorder behaviors. Understand that her lying about the eating disorder symptoms is from a place of guilt and shame and not wanting to disappoint you. If your daughter has an eating disorder, her lying is not indicative of her character but rather that she is struggling with a mental illness.

 

6. Talk during ‘sensitive’ times. Do not discuss treatment, your worries or important topics related to her recovery during meal time or other ‘charged’ times. Find a time outside of eating when your daughter is calm. Know that holidays can be especially triggering. Prepare for holidays by having any important conversations in advance of mealtimes.

 

DO

 

1. Tell your child you care. It’s okay to share that you love her and feel scared. Always use “I” statements and make your feelings about you, not about your daughter or what she does. For example, saying things like “you’re hurting yourself” or “if you’d just eat more…” don’t help. Saying things like “I’m feeling scared and not sure what to do” are honest and reflect your feelings.

 

tell daughter with eating disorder that you care

 

2. Admit that you don’t know what to say all the time. Share that you can’t understand fully what it’s like to have an eating disorder, but that you will be there to listen and to help her get the support she needs. Always encourage her to reach out to her support team.

 

3. Validate your daughter’s feelings even if you don’t agree with them. You do NOT have to validate her actions. Your daughter with an eating disorder has feelings that are absolutely real and causing her pain. Your job is not to talk her out of those feelings but to empathize, reassure her that it’s okay to feel and encourage to write down her thoughts and share with her support team.

 

4. Role model. Take care of yourself. Eat foods that are fun to eat AND that provide nourishment. This means, eating ice cream when you feel like it. Let your child see that you don’t restrict, feel guilty or try to ‘earn’ foods through exercise or eating healthy other days. There’s no need tell your daughter about your habits, but rather show her. What we do is far more powerful than what we say.

 

5. Evaluate your own biases around gaining weight and fatphobia (see this video I made on how to respond when your daughter calls herself fat). Your daughter thinks she is scared to gain weight. The truth is that she is scared she won’t be loved if she gains weight. If you have any biases around ‘fat’ people or have commented on people being overweight, this can strengthen the eating disorder’s power in linking fat with bad.

 

food and exercise photo with weight band

 

6. Get help! Get coaching or therapy for yourself! This is not easy to navigate and you don’t have to do it alone. I offer coaching services for parents. Often one to two sessions is enough to help parents or loved ones feel equipped with what they can do. If you’re interested, email me: lindsay@outshininged.com.

 

Stay current

 

Finally, if you are a parent or loved one, I’d love to stay in touch. I created a special email group just for you so you receive only what’s helpful. Sign up below: